July 4th, 2015
One Year Later…
Well, we made it. A
year has come and went. It felt as
though it was this giant storm that just flew past. When I think of a storm I’m reminded of what
comes after the storm a bright, calm sky.
Sometimes another storm might come through but they all end with that
bright, calm sky.
That seems about right in comparison for this year. Last July 4th was our dark
storm. I think about that day
often. I still remember it as if it were
yesterday. I came back to the hospital
after getting to stay at home for the first night since I had Jonah. Joel stayed in the NICU with him. I’ll never forget the look on Joel’s face
when I got there and he had to explain what was going on. Even then I had no doubt that Jonah would be
fine. Everything started happening
really fast. The emotions that were
running through us. The amount of
prayers that were being sent up. I just
wanted to run in there grab my baby, wrap my arms around him to have him close
to me and save him from all of this.
Surely my love could save him.
Those last few hours with him, Joel and I were right by his side,
touching him as much as possible. And
then that time came where the doctors could do no more. I don’t think I’ll ever
forget that feeling of the doctor’s hand on my shoulder. He didn’t need to say anything. We knew what that meant. I’m so glad we were there with him till the
end. That I was able to wrap my arms
around him and hold him close to my chest as he went to be with Jesus.
That was our dark storm.
And that storm drug out for what seemed like some time. We‘ve always tried to think of the good that
can come from something so terrible. And
when I think back to that day I think how blessed we were to be able to be
there with him. That he had his mommy
and daddy surrounding him with love as he left this earth. This little guy was lucky to be surrounded
with love his whole life. To not have to
endure the hate of this world.
Joel and I have this awesome support system. Our family and friends have been truly
amazing. They have showed so much love
and support to us through this whole year.
But the one I have to give the most credit for helping us through it is
God. The only way we’ve been able to
really come out of this storm is because of The Father we have. The hope and strength he’s given us.
Jonah’s 1st birthday was June 27th and
on that day we had a BBQ with family and a few close friends. Let me tell you, this day, I had a sense of
peace covering me. I had been praying
for us on this upcoming day, knowing it would be hard and I could feel God’s
peace. I could have sat at home all day
and cried and felt sorry for myself. But
instead we wanted to celebrate our little guy’s life. To be surrounded by love. Same with today, July 4th. We weren’t planning
on sitting around and sulking. We wanted
to be surrounded by family and we did things in memory of Jonah. I felt that sense of peace again. Now I’m not
saying that I didn’t cry or get upset either of those days. I allowed myself to miss him and to cry. But what we didn’t want to do is feel sorry for
ourselves or sit around wanting others to feel sorry for us.
I feel like we have come so far this year. We did come out of this storm to that bright,
calm sky. After this year Jonah has
taught me a few things and I hope that he continues to teach us more.
1. Don’t waste time. Spend as much time with the people you
love. Life is too short to not. In the blink of an eye, it can all be gone.
2.
Time moves on around you. People’s lives don’t stop because your world
stopped spinning. What I’ve learned from
that is you can’t be offended by other’s lives still moving when your world seems still. Believe me this one was and sometimes is
still hard for me. Especially as I see
families growing bigger all around me.
3.
Don’t judge people on the outside. Not
everybody’s lives are picture perfect as it may seem on the outside. You have no idea what they could be going
through. Or maybe what they’ve already experienced.
4.
Don’t lose hope.
We serve a big and mighty God and He has the power to make big things
happen. Don’t lose hope in that.
Whatever you are struggling with, whatever storm you are
going through, know that we all have a God that can help us overcome it. Don’t try and do it on your own.
Jonah was and is a blessing to our family. I wouldn’t change knowing him. Even if it meant I wouldn’t have to feel this
pain. He is my little fighter and one
day we will be together again.
Happy 1st birthday Jonah. We love you to the moon and back.
Jonah Donovan Naylor
6/27/14—7/4/14
July 4th, 2014
